


The Other Side: Part Thirty One

by PiscesPenName



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Dean Winchester, F/M, Makeup, Vaginismus, vulvodynia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 11:42:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14810690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiscesPenName/pseuds/PiscesPenName
Summary: Dean can't QUITE stay away. He comes back and reveals what's REALLY bothering him. Well, somewhat. It IS Dean. Carrie is in the dark, but WE know what it is, after all.





	The Other Side: Part Thirty One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Domino_Darkwolf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Domino_Darkwolf/gifts), [FluffyGlitterPantsDragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon/gifts).



The growl of a muscle car startled her. Carrie shot up from her covers and glanced out the window. The sun was setting, painting the lawn in gold.

 

Baby was in her driveway. 

 

And so was Dean. His eyes glanced up toward the house, shadowed from the angle of the sun and he got out of the car. 

 

Carrie’s heart jumped into her throat as she went to the door and opened it. 

 

He looked up and saw her and his stride broke, almost awkwardly. There was a hesitation. He gave her an apologetic crooked smile. "Hi..." he said.

 

Carrie stood at the door, the wind ruffling her long blonde hair. She bit her lip. "Hi."

 

He stood for a moment and then approached closing the distance between them. "I...I heard from Bobby that your dad was sick."

 

She nodded. "His prognosis is good." She suppressed her knees trembling. She wanted to throw herself into his arms. 

 

"Do you need anything?" He asked. "You okay? Your Dad is a good guy. I owe him a lot.”

 

She started to nod and then shook her head and swallowed.  "I miss you." She felt the lump swelling in the back of her throat. 

 

He nodded, dropped his long lashed gaze. "I miss you too." He looked up at her with his chin tilted down. He was handsomely radiant in the setting sun, it limned his nose and jaw and hair in peach glow. His eyes shone a deep jeweled green, hints of gold in their depths. 

 

"C...can I come in?" he asked.

 

Carrie jogged down the porch steps and threw herself into his embrace. He held her, rocking, cradling. He kissed the top of her head, his breath ghosting over her hair. 

 

"You're beautiful in the sun." He told her. 

 

She let her tears wet his jacket and inhaled his smell. "I miss you."

 

He squeezed her again and let go to edge inside the door. 

 

He looked awkward. "Do you have any beer?'

 

"No. I have tea."

 

She saw his nose wrinkle. "Sweetheart, we gotta stock your cupboards better.” He cleared his throat. “So your dad..."

 

"He'll be fine."

 

He nodded. "Helluva guy....You never changed your tires like I told you to." Dean tried to be casual as he sauntered into the living room and sat heavily on the edge of the couch. He put his forearms on his thighs and leaned forward, his amulet swinging from its black leather thong. 

 

Carrie wondered if he’d come here to actually see about her father or if it was an excuse to see her.

 

She looked him in the eyes. "Are we okay?" 

 

He cleared his throat, averted his gaze. "We were never not okay, sweetheart...I... can I have that tea?"

 

She knew Dean must be really distressed if he was going to accept tea. 

 

Carrie nodded and put on the electric tea kettle. She grabbed Dean some chamomile while she brooded about what his return meant.

 

She gave it to him and he took a sip and wrinkled his nose. "Tastes like grass...and not the good kind."

 

"It's good for you." She paused. "I thought I was never gonna see you again."

 

The cup rattled against the saucer when he put it down. 

 

"Are you here just for my dad?"

 

He left the tea on the coffee table and shrugged. "Wanted to check in on you. See if you needed help."

 

Carrie sat next to him, blinking back tears. "Did you want to see me?"

 

He nodded and she watched his voice box move under his skin as he swallowed.  "I never meant to hurt you."

 

She teared up and nodded. "I know."

 

"I feel like a piece of shit when I hurt you."

 

He cleared his throat and stood up. He paced a couple of steps and halted, looked down at her. His demeanor shifted a bit and she could tell he was nervous. "I didn't want to end things."

 

"I don't either."

 

"But I didn't want to drag you in any farther."

 

"In to what?"

 

"I'm... Carrie I have... crap is really complicated right now and..." he ran a hand down over his face. "I can't promise anything. I can't be yours."

 

Carrie felt her heart twist. She pushed back the tears. 

 

"I... but bein' away from you for weeks. Felt like crap." He took a breath and she could tell how much he was struggling to put things into words. "Fuck. I'm no good at this. I'd rather put my nuts in a vice."

 

She filled in the silence. "The thought of you with someone else upsets me." She told him honestly,  "but I... I think I'd rather have half of Dean then no Dean."

 

He turned around to pace and then sat back down on the edge of the couch, tense, shoulders rounded. 

 

Carrie ventured to put an arm around him. He leaned into her touch, dropped his head and nuzzled her shoulder. She could feel his hot breath through her cotton shirt.  

 

"Other girls don't mean anything." He told her. "It's just a release fuck. Can you get that?" He lifted his head to look at her. 

 

She bit her lip and shrugged, tears brimming again. 

 

He looked at her expression and sighed. "Maybe you're just not built for this." He leaned his forehead against hers. "You're my good girl. How did a good girl like you end up with me?"

 

"You're a good guy." She said. 

 

He snorted and pulled away, took a sip of tea. Made another face. "How do you drink this?"

 

"I'm not sure how you drink beer. Hops are disgusting."

 

"Oh see, you're just wrong." He told her. 

 

She paused feeling the heaviness between them. "What do you want to do?"

 

"Fuck." He told her. 

 

She nudged him. "I mean about us."

 

"I can't be the guy you want, I don't think."

 

"You are the guy I want."

 

"You deserve someone better."

 

"I choose you. If you give me that choice."

 

He sighed deeply and pulled her into his arms again. He lifted her onto his lap and she turned around to straddle him. They were face to face. His hands went to the ass of her jeans. He looked at her with his heart breaker looks and long lashes and she knew she was lost. 

 

He smiled, white teeth and dimples. "You should ride cowgirl more often."

 

She gave him a kiss and he opened his mouth under hers and she tasted his teeth with her tongue. He closed his eyes in rapture and she pushed into him again, felt his tongue meet hers with a little resistance for a moment and then yield to her in his mouth. His fingers dug into her lower back and they broke apart, breathing heavily. 

 

"I love you." She told him. 

 

He blinked slowly, taking it in. "I know, baby."

 

She could feel him getting aroused while she straddled him. She pondered how far she wanted to take it right now. A little bit of kissing with Dean was going to end up with a lot of something else quite quickly. It always did.  

 

"Is it mutual?" She asked. Wanting to be reassured. She just wanted to hear him say it. Was he even capable of saying it?

 

"Course it is." He replied, his hand snaking between her legs. 

 

She arrested his movement by the wrists and he arched an eyebrow. 

 

She leaned in and placed her cheek alongside his. "I just want to be held."

 

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her to him wordlessly. 

 

She felt him take a deep breath and inhale the scent of her berry shampoo. 

 

He pulled away after a moment, blinking. They locked gazes and she could see something in his face... the shadow of something he tried to hide. 

 

Something about it reminded her of his expression when she'd had her fingers inside him, pressed up against his prostate. That sheer naked yielding to her that was so unlike him. He blinked and it was gone again. 

 

He looked like he wanted to say something to her. 

 

Carrie unstraddled him. Her body was getting ideas as well. She knew make up sex was imminent but something about it didn't feel right to her at the moment. Something about his energy felt off. 

 

Dean met her eyes and there was real vulnerability in them. 

 

"What's wrong?" She asked.

 

“Nothin.” He lied. His words were completely unconvincing. Then he looked away like he couldn't take her gaze on him. When he looked back his expression was utterly naked. It startled her to see him like this and it struck her that he was showing her something much more personal and private to him than his body. 

 

Her heart picked up speed. Something was very wrong or he wouldn't be showing her this. 

 

He gave her a weak smile. "I'm scared." He whispered. And she saw his hands trembling slightly as he ran one over his face. 

 

She tried to remain calm. Not over react. Not push him too hard because she sensed he was ready to bolt emotionally given the slightest provocation. She didn't know whether to keep her distance physically or to settle in to her maternal mode. 

 

She slid closer to him and took his hand in hers, she held it and stroked her fingers over the back of it. "Talk to me," she said, keeping her physical proximity, but not maintaining eye contact. She needed to give him wiggle room. Then convince him he was safe. 

 

He put his other hand on his knee but let her continue to fuss with the one she held. Carrie sensed that he was very close to an anxiety attack. In fact, could be silently having one now. 

 

He looked down at the floor. "I might be going away for a while."

 

Her heart skipped wildly. "What? Where?" 

 

He didn't answer. 

 

"Dean, are you in trouble with the law?"

 

"Always in trouble with the law," he replied. "I desecrate Graves for a living." He pulled his hand away, set it on his other knee. 

 

Okay. She was going to lose him. He was going to shut right back down. She saw the beginnings of it.

 

She was afraid to say anything else. She angled her body to face him. "Don't shut down. Tell me."

 

"I can't."

 

"You just started to because you need to talk." She countered. "Things okay with you and Sam?"

 

He seemed surprised by the question. "Yeah. Sammy. He's great."

 

Okay, so they weren't fighting. "You have me worried now."

 

"Don't worry ‘bout me." 

 

She touched his arm and gripped him through his green jacket. She slid it down to his wrist, brought his hand up to her mouth and kissed the back of it reverently. 

 

Dean's expression went from confused to touched. His breath caught a little. 

 

"It's me. You're safe." She whispered to him. 

 

He didn't answer but his shuddering was back. 

 

"Dean, what are you into?"

 

"Made a deal I can't get out of." He whispered. "I have to fulfill my part of it and I just might be out of touch for a while..." he stood up, pulling his hand away from hers. "I don't want you to think I ghosted on you."

 

Her eyes welled. 

 

He looked at her and grimaced. "Come on, don't cry." 

 

He turned his back to her and she watched the tightness in his broad shoulders. She felt like having a panic attack herself, but instinctively knew that she needed to stay calm for him. 

 

Carrie came up behind him and put her arms around him. She leaned her head against his neck. He seemed like he wanted to get away. "Shhhhh." She whispered through her tears. "Shhhh." 

 

His breath stuttered a little. Wherever he had to go, he was very scared. Prison was her most likely guess. What would happen to him in there? Pretty boy like her Dean. "Are you sure there's no way to get out of it?"

 

"None." He responded. 

 

“Okay.” She paused to think. 

 

“Carrie, I ain't asking for your help. I'm telling you so you know why I'm not calling.” 

 

“When will you be back?”

 

“I don't know.” 

 

“How can you not know?”

 

He pulled away from her, turned his shoulder to her. His face angled slightly away.

 

She tried to respect his ploy for distance. 

 

"Talk to me." She coaxed. "Whatever it is. You can tell me."

 

His broad chest heaved a second and she could see the shake in his hand. She saw his eyes brim and his lip tremble a little before he blinked them back. 

 

Fuck the bodily request for distance. He needed comfort.

 

"Okay. Dean. Come here." She gathered him into her embrace and he broke with a sob. She put her hand on the back of his head. "Shhh. Okay sweetheart."

 

She kept her hand on the back of his neck, her cheek next to his head, him bent down slightly to be held by her. "Shhhh." She whispered. "Shhhh."

 

He let himself be held for a minute and then pulled away, embarrassed by his weakness. 

 

Carrie's eyes were soft as she looked at him. "What are you scared of?"

 

He sat down on the couch. "I don't wanna die." He looked at her and his eyes were a child's. 

 

"Oh my God, Dean. Baby. You're not gonna die." 

 

"Carrie, I made a deal about a year ago. To save my brother."

 

"A deal with who?" She felt her heart triple time. "The mafia?"

 

"Something like that. My payment has come due."

 

"I'll give you my savings. How much do you need to pay them off?"

 

"They don't want money."

 

"What do they want?"

 

"Me."

 

Carries throat constricted. "Then hide."

 

"I'm trying. Sam and I, we're working on it. B...but I'm getting down to the wire."

 

"You really came back to say goodbye, didn't you?" She asked, tears wetting her cheeks. 

 

He looked away. "I didn't want things to end like they did. With you thinkin I was cutting you off. That I didn't care."

 

"Tell me all of it. Let me help you brainstorm how to get out."

 

"Already did, baby. Sam and I are on it." He looked up at her again, still a little boy. "I'm tryin to be brave. You know. Keep my game face on for him. But... I ...can't." He was shuddering again. "Needed you." 

 

She approached him again and pulled his head into her chest as he sat there. He buried his nose between her breasts. She cradled him, rocked him gently. 

 

She wanted to fall apart but didn't want to add to his stress. 

 

“Easy.” She soothed. 

 

His arms went around her waist. He was so scared. She could feel it in every pore of his body. 

 

“Good boy,” she told him. Dropping a kiss on the top of his head. He smelled like hotel shampoo. "You'll figure out a way out. I want details but that's not what you need right now." She rubbed a soothing circle between his shoulder blades. 

 

"You'd be a good mom." He told her. 

 

She paused and then smoothly started back up. "I don't think kids are in the cards."

 

“If I don't get out of this. Go have em. Go find a nice guy.” 

 

“Stop. Don't be silly.” She held him for a very long time until he tightened his grip and pulled her on the couch with him. There was hardly enough room for them to lie side by side entangled. Dean snuggled his back up to the couch cushion and his front against her and tucked his head into her shoulder. She felt some of the stiffness relax. "Feels nice." He said. 

 

He swung his leg over her thigh and snuggled into her. She felt him nudge her neck with his nose and then his lips were on the juncture of her shoulder, kissing gently.

 

“Dean…” he moved up to the divot near her tendon and suckled there until she arched her head back, giving him access to her throat. 

 

He kissed and nipped and sucked, his hands roaming her back. 

 

She pressed her hands against his chest. He was powerful, solid beneath her palms. She lightly dragged her fingers over his skin until he hummed in approval. 

 

Her body was responding to him. Her mind was still so shaken by what he'd told her that she wasn't sure she even wanted sex. 

 

His hands had gone to the button on her jeans. Obviously he did. 

 

Carrie let him tug her pants down as they kissed. He made short work of his own pants and guided himself between her thighs. He tried to push against her entrance and it hurt. She gasped. Dean put a little more pressure against her and almost succeeded in pushing the head of his penis into her but she made a sound of pain and he stopped. 

 

He swore, panting lightly. “This isn't gonna work is it?”

 

“I don't think so.” She told him. 

 

Carrie could feel his disappointment. He took a few deep breaths and gave her forehead a kiss. “Okay,” he said. 

 

She reached down between them and took a firm hold of him. “Let me help you.”

 

“I don't think I'm gonna get there,” he told her. “And blue balls doesn't sound fun right now.” 

 

“Is that really a thing?”

 

“It is for me.” He said. 

 

“I love you.” She told him. 

 

He raised an eyebrow at the random declaration and his arms went around her in a hug. They lay like that, naked thigh to naked thigh for a long while. It felt weirdly intimate this close without sex, Dean occasionally peppering a kiss on her forehead. 

 

“Ugh. You're too hot baby. I keep getting bad thoughts.” He nudged his pelvis against hers. 

 

She smiled. “This feels super naughty for some reason.” 

 

He grinned back. “Maybe it is.” He gave her one last bump with his pelvis and then put himself back into his pants. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
